In Desperate Need of Someone Solid
by BandGeek58407
Summary: [Oneshot] Professor Binns is tired of being ignored and lonely, so he tries to find a way to spice up his existance.


So...this is my first oneshot, so...I hope you enjoy, seeing as the pairing here is, well, odd.

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. Therefore, none of these wonderful characters are mine.

**In Desperate Need of Someone Solid**

This may sound funny, especially coming from me, the old, dead, boring History of Magic professor who enjoys rambling on monotonously about goblin rebellions and the like, but I'm lonely. You tend to get lonely when you're a ghost-teacher. You never have time to socialize with all the other ghosts, who don't have to worry about lesson plans and getting students ready for their O.W.L.s. Nearly Headless Nick rarely says hello, as friendly as he is. Even Peeves seems to avoid me. It's rather annoying.

I tried being friendly with students, but they fell asleep. I guess they associate my voice with boring history, and instinct took over. What a shame. They missed out on knowing a wonderfully interesting person, although dead. (However, I'm sure that if any of _them_ heard that, they'd laugh…and then fall asleep. Like I said before, what a shame.)

I thought about meeting someone, spice up my life…or…whatever being a ghost is called…with a relationship. So, a couple days ago I tried to strike up a conversation with the Gray Lady. That was a disaster; the Bloody Baron nearly took my head off before he chased me into my awaiting class. I'd never seen that Draco Malfoy laugh so hard.

"_Right…so if you'll get your textbooks out and turn to page—"_

"_Professor, why was the Baron chasing you?" Draco smirked with an air of arrogance as he elbowed his little cronies jokingly. _

"_Really, Mr. Malfoy, that is none of your business." The day was just getting worse, and I felt the ghostly blood rush up to my transparent face. Thankfully, it just got a bit grayer and no one seemed to be aware of it. "Like I said previously, please turn to page four hundred and—"_

"_I'd really pay to see it again, wouldn't you, Crabbe?" Draco continued to laugh loudly with his friends at my expense. The other students were already in their Professor Binns-induced stupor and failed to notice. Except that Granger girl. She was the only one who paid any attention._

"_Malfoy, shut up. It wasn't funny." She glared as her comment flew over his head unnoticed. And, normally, I wouldn't have condoned the use of history books this way, but Hermione Granger's left a pretty nice sized bruise on the side of that boy's head._

_All was quiet._

_And then…_

As anyone could very well tell, that experience eliminated ghosts for companions, and also most Slytherin students, in one fell swoop. I am almost desperate, seeing as most of my students think of me as a joke and really don't care if they pass or fail my class. Except for Ms. Granger. Maybe a friendship was in order there. Or not. Most definitely not.

_The hallway was bustling with students hurrying to their next class. Many turned their attention from the conversation they were having to staring at me as I glided my way down the hall._

"_Was that Professor Binns?"_

"_What's he doing out of the classroom?"_

_I ignored this mutterings. They said the same things when I roamed the halls last time a couple years prior. Always the same attitude: "What's he doing out in public?"_

"_Hello, Ms. Granger."_

_She looked around with confusion before she saw me. And when she did, the confusion didn't exactly disappear. "Um, hello, Professor. What brings you to this end of the castle?" _

_Again, that same sentiment. Only it was much subtler; that, I liked. "Oh, just wandering around. I just wanted to say hello."_

_Her nod as I spoke revealed that she was becoming more perplexed as time wore on. "Yes…well, I'm terribly sorry sir, but if I'm late to Potions, Professor Snape would not be very pleased."_

"_Right, of course. See you in class?"_

_And by that time she was already gone._

My list is narrowing down to the faculty of the school. Not that I was surprised by the results of my feeble attempt at friendship with Ms. Granger, that was to be expected. But the other teachers are just like the ghosts: they know I exist but never admit it. And that's fine with me, to a degree. I need to have a friend at least. And, oh Merlin this is corny, I need to feel alive again! Or at least not as dead. Either would be wonderful.

_If they could see me know, I thought as I easily floated through the door into the Muggle "internet café." I believed this was a rather clever plan. Nobody I would meet through this plan would know me or be at the castle (I hoped). Only I was faced with a very large flaw in my ingenious scheme. _

_How was I, a transparent airy ghost, supposed to turn on and use one of these contraptions those Muggles call computers? My plot was shot (and suddenly I realized I could rhyme as well). No eHarmony for me today. And I had my profile already planned out. _

_Name: Professor Binns_

_Profession: History teacher_

_Age: 37 (Well…that was obviously a lie. But at least my age is a _multiple_ of 37.)_

_Location: United Kingdom_

_Eye/Hair Color: both gray_

_Enjoys: History, long walks on the beach, talking and not having someone fall asleep_

_I padded my resume with that beach bit. There went my greatest idea._

All right, so my "greatest idea" was not so great. But now as I think, maybe I won't be forced to struggle with Muggle technology after all.

_Draco was nursing the bruise on the side of his head as Ms. Granger gathered her book off the floor. The silence was deafening, even more so than the torrents of laughter that would have sounded if the rest of the class had been conscious to witness what had just happened._

Wow. A flashback back to a flashback. One doesn't often experience those. Anyway…

_And then the door creaked open and a very bewildered woman stood in the doorway. Her frizzy hair was in a sort of disarray and her glasses magnified her eyes in a way that reminded me of a beetle or other insect. Her twitching hands held a crystal ball quite precariously. "Oh dear, this isn't my tower, is it?"_

_I shook my head slightly, quite intrigued. I had never seen this professor before, but many of my students did. Maybe I should get out more often._

"_Professor Trelawney, your tower's on the other side of the castle," offered Mr. Potter as nicely as he could. Something something about the way he said it told me this was not an unusual occurrence. _

"_Right, right, thank you, Harry. And please be careful; the threat of your untimely death has not disappeared!" She looked around anxiously, though I was not sure why. And before I knew it, she had left the classroom, and I was left alone with my students again. _

"_Who…was that?" I asked._

"_Professor Trelawney, she teaches Divination."_

"_Bit of a nut case. She doesn't even eat with the other teachers during meals."_

"_Always predicting Harry'll die young."_

"_The subject's a load of rubbish, I think," muttered Ms. Granger amongst all the information the others were bombarding me with._

As I later discovered, Sibyll Trelawney is a rather unusual woman. She almost never leaves her tower, dines alone (like the students said), and teaches odd things such as dream interpretation and the reading of tea leaves. Other professors only seem to put up with her and her subject because the headmaster wishes it to be taught, and that has put up sort of a barrier between them. How sad. I think I shall give her a visit.

Of course, I don't know where her tower is, exactly. I only know that Mr. Potter said it was on the other side of the castle from my classroom. It shouldn't take me too long, I expect.

And it turns out that there is only one tower in the vicinity that Mr. Potter mentioned. At least something is going my way today. Though, I really am not sure I should just waltz in to her classroom without asking…this might turn into another embarrassing moment like the one with Ms. Granger. I'm a history professor. I learn from the past, that's part of teaching the subject. This is hopeless…I'm going back.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Ghost, sir. I didn't know you were down there."

I look up and see Professor Trelawney peering down at me through her trapdoor to her classroom. It must be rather suspicious, seeing me just floating here beside the ladder. I risk a glance, and quickly look away; those bug-eyes are surveying me, probably analyzing every move I make using it to predict my demise. This is why I don't leave my classroom, everything always goes wrong—

"Would you like to join me? I have some tea brewing…even if you can't drink any. I'd like the company, if you don't mind."

Oh. Well. What a pleasant turn of events. "Yes, that would be very nice," I say as loudly as my surprise would allow, and glide up to her room.

It is so strange compared to my bleak décor in my own room. The chairs are big fluffy pillows, it seems, and (although I can't smell it) incense is burning in every corner of the oddly shaped space. On a small circular table stands the teapot.

"So!" she exclaims as she hurries over to check the tea. "What's your name? I thought I knew all the ghosts in this castle, but apparently I must have missed one."

I follow her slowly. "I'm Professor Binns, the History of Magic professor."

She stares at me with some confusion. "What? I had no idea! I have been wondering who taught that subject for the longest time, and it's been you! A ghost, how unique!" She pours tea, for two (which surprises me), and continues to ramble on about all sorts of things. All I do is nod my head a few times, and answer the questions that come my way once in a while. It's a nice change to have someone be honestly curious about me.

"How long have you been teaching here?"

Great. The one question I can't remember and would be embarrassed to answer even if I did know it. "Forever, it seems."

She laughs for the first time in my presence. It is quick and reserved, but reassuring that maybe she isn't the basket case everyone thinks she is. "That would make sense. You _are_ a ghost."

"Don't remind me." I smile to let her know I'm joking. Wow, if any student ever discovers I have a sense of humor, their brain might explode. It isn't exactly something they would associate with me easily, to say the least.

"You haven't touched your tea," she points out.

"I can't," I remind her. Maybe she is a bit off her rocker after all.

"I know, I know, but I want to read your tea leaves!"

"Well, why don't _you _drink it then?"

She rolls her eyes as if I have just said something incredibly stupid. "No, silly! Then it wouldn't be your fortune, it would be mine." She thinks for a minute, and plays with a strand of her frizzy hair. "I've got it!"

She picks up my cup and pours it out right where my mouth is. I watch the liquid fall through my airy form longingly. It's been so long since I was able to enjoy anything of the sort. There is a stain forming on the small beige rug under the table from the tea. "Um—"

"Don't worry about it, I'll clean it later. Now, let's see here…" She brings the cup back to her and holds it close to her face. "Ah!" Her face lights up as she shoves the cup under (and halfway through) my nose. "Look, it's a heart!"

And sure enough, the tea leaves form a slightly misshapen heart. It can't be anything else. "Well…you're the Divination professor. What does it mean?" I already have an idea, but I really don't want to put my shoe in my mouth later.

"You don't know? It means love!" She still was smiling, in a sort of childish way. The troubled look I had seen when she accidentally entered my classroom was gone. I have to grin back. I am no longer alone.

X X X

Hope you enjoyed! Yes, I know what you're thinking ("Binns and Trelawney? What?!"), but I just thought they were both so peculiar that it would work out. Maybe that's just me, who knows? Don't forget to review, your opinion would be helpful and appreciated!


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